Christmas is both a time of happiness and sadness for the family caregiver

For the family caregiver, Christmas can be a time of both happiness and sadness. This year is quite likely the last time my father will be around for Christmas, which makes it a time of tempered joy for me and my mother. After the doctors had finished scaring the hell out of her the other night when she took him to the hospital she had been convinced he might not live to see Christmas. Now we're going day by day ahead and holding on to what hope we can.

It's hard, knowing that something might happen at any moment and we might loose him. My mom just sits and cries at times. I realized today that I am in the 'take charge' mode that I kick into when crisis hits. My mind is refusing to process the fears and worries and instead intently focused on the matter of importance and on making sure that those around me are eased of any fears they might be feeling. I know that it is a bad thing, I've never his this mode for so long and have never hit it that I did not come out of it a total mess.

Nothing else to be done, though, so I'll just take things slowly and keep an eye on mom and make sure that she's okay and has what strength from me she needs.