Burnout

Have you ever been so stressed out that you just want to scream and hit something? It started really bad last night, I ended up just sitting down on the hearth in front of the fireplace and crying.

It seems like I am just beating my head against a wall. I sit here taking care of my dad, and while I would not dream of doing anything else, I am destroying my own future to do it. I have no hope of ever owning my parents' house, because I can not hope to ever pay off the money that is due when it comes due. And I can not hope to ever be approved for a loan to be let pay it off slowly. In short -- I'm screwed and knowing that all I can do is sit here and stare around not feeling like doing anything. What does any of it matter?

I do what I need to to make sure that my dad is comfortable, and try to hold everything else together as best I can, but... It's just all too much and I feel like I am drowning and don't know how to find the surface.

Today I nearly forgot that it was time to pay the Insurance on the house - came so close to not getting that paid --- which if it is not paid the full amount of the reversed mortgage comes due at once. So that is a bad thing to space out needing to get paid. What is really bad is not that I almost forgot it, but that I even have things organized and laid out so I don't miss bills - I just flat forgot what day it was and that I had to pay bills. Stress had me so unfocused I could not think of something so simple as that there are bills that need paid.