Wednesday, December 03, 2008


Have you ever been so stressed out that you just want to scream and hit something? It started really bad last night, I ended up just sitting down on the hearth in front of the fireplace and crying.

It seems like I am just beating my head against a wall. I sit here taking care of my dad, and while I would not dream of doing anything else, I am destroying my own future to do it. I have no hope of ever owning my parents' house, because I can not hope to ever pay off the money that is due when it comes due. And I can not hope to ever be approved for a loan to be let pay it off slowly. In short -- I'm screwed and knowing that all I can do is sit here and stare around not feeling like doing anything. What does any of it matter?

I do what I need to to make sure that my dad is comfortable, and try to hold everything else together as best I can, but... It's just all too much and I feel like I am drowning and don't know how to find the surface.

Today I nearly forgot that it was time to pay the Insurance on the house - came so close to not getting that paid --- which if it is not paid the full amount of the reversed mortgage comes due at once. So that is a bad thing to space out needing to get paid. What is really bad is not that I almost forgot it, but that I even have things organized and laid out so I don't miss bills - I just flat forgot what day it was and that I had to pay bills. Stress had me so unfocused I could not think of something so simple as that there are bills that need paid.

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Blogger Bob Tell said...

Caregiver burnout is a major issue for those with this awesome
responsibility. Don't overlook the role of humor to make things more
bearable. Things that made me angry and frustrated when my mother
(who had dementia) was alive, in retrospect are filled with funny
happenings. This is true too for the many caregivers who read my blog and contact me about my book which emphasizes humor as a healing
balm. Caregivers need all the emotional support they can get.

Bob Tell, Author
Dementia Diary, A Caregiver's Journal

10:57 AM  

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