Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I'm gonna scream

I am so damn sick and tired of all of the crap. I know I am not the only family caregiver out there that has this kind of problem, but it does not help knowing I'm not alone. Nor does the car parked in the driveway with the fricking stereo going "boomboomboomboomboom" just down at the edge of hearing.

I'm already at the edge of control, wanting to scream and throw things, so the "boomboomboomboomboom" is only making me more stressed out. My dad's in a mood where because he's mad at the world, he's taking it out on me. And any efforts I might try to limit how many cigarettes he is smoking (back to back) is only giving him more and more things to yell at me about.

When I ask him why he's mad at me he just goes stony silent and refuses to even look at me. None of my siblings seem to have time to help me by either taking him somewhere or sitting with him while I get out for a walk or something. When I can afford to I will pay someone to come hang out with dad while I go shopping, and even then half the time I have to beg to get to go somewhere and since I don't want to be driving in the winter I am at the mercy of being yelled at and complained to for any stop I want to make when someone takes me to town. Lord help me if I can't get through a store fast enough to keep the driver happy.

I'm burned out and going to have a complete f-ing breakdown and none of them give a damn.

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