Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Going slowly insane

I'm so danmned tired. Physically and mentally and emotionally - exhausted. Down to the soul, the bone... My dad has taken to sleeping during the time when I need to be working, and that means he is awake and smoking cigarettes when I try to catch the few hours of sleep that I do manage to get at night.

It has lead to minimal to no sleep for me the past few days and since the only time I see any of the relatives is when they want something from me or I catch them... well. I'm not exactly getting much rest and it is wearing me to a literal crying frazzle. Add to that the stress of knowing that someday this might all come back to slap me in the form of my having nowhere to live and no work experience with which to find a job and I'm left crying more often than not. My one escape is to watch stuff like Heroes and Doctor Who on Netflix until I am too tired to think, then get as much sleep as I can manage.

I know what one of my problems is, but I'm not ready to talk about it. Some things we just need to tug our coat closer against the cold of and move on ahead, trying not to lose what small mental sanity remains. Right? Shame I can't afford a psychiatrist, because I think I could probably really use one. ::snort::

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